I’m an addict, and my drug of choice is men. I wanted to have power and control over almost everyone in my life because inside, I felt so powerless and out of control. Sex was just the weapon I used to conform to whatever they needed me to be to ultimately conquer them.įor years, I’ve been powerless over my addiction to people. It was never truly about the physical, sexual act, but more about the chase. Once I trapped them, I would start searching for my next victim, sometimes overlapping the relationships. I searched for the perfect partner to have power and control over their emotions.
I’ve been chasing that high ever since.ĭesperate not to lose that feeling, I would flirt, intrigue, and jump from relationship to relationship to catch that high. As our lips touched, it was like fireworks exploding all over my body. The friend cornered me in a closet and kissed me. The kicker was it was with his best friend on the baseball team. It really kicked it into high gear when I was 14 and cheated for the first time on a boyfriend. I was always boy crazy and loved to flirt even at the age of 10. It eventually transferred to the boys in grammar school. One of my first memories of it was always trying to keep my father’s attention 24/7. But I probably wore more in my personal life.
The rewards of sex and love addicts anonymous tv#
As an actor, I wore many masks, playing cheaters and liars on TV and in films. I was always looking for someone to fix or complete me. I had always moulded myself into whatever and whoever my love interest desired me to be. I looked at myself in that hotel mirror and saw the shell of the woman I had once again become. And because that was my fantasy, that night on set I was about to go back to my old ways of cheating and lying. One where the lead is in a different country, meets her knight in shining armour and falls deeply, madly in love and travels the world in luxury. I always fantasised about my life like a scene from a movie. I was then about to have another affair on a film set in the middle of nowhere. That was me at one of my lowest points when I was thousands of miles away from my live-in boyfriend. You know that type of person- the one who’s rude to waiting staff and thinks they’re all that. Have you ever found yourself sitting in a dark hotel room with a coworker in a foreign city on a work trip about to blow up your life? It was someone I hardly knew and quite frankly never liked as a person.
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